So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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