the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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