it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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