ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
