I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
