3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
