She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
