Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
