You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
