I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
