i would punch a child for taco bell
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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