I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
