dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
