Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
