why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
