Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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