the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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