I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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