I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
