can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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