I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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