best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
