How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
