Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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