My room smells like vodka and shame
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
