I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
