I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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