that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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