Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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