The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
