Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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