I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think your dad took our porno
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
