my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
