if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
