When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
