Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
