well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
