you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
