I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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