More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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