Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
