Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
