Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
