No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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