I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
