literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
