Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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