my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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