I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
