ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
