sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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