i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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