Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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